[ He sounds sincere enough. But does he truly mean it? From the time they've spent together, Ereshkigal has managed to glean a few things about his character. He strives for efficiency. If he perceives something in their relationship that may be a risk to the mission— Would he not lie then, to remove that risk?
... She remains silent for ten or so seconds, focused on her bouquet. When she stops and finally speaks, she's still not looking at him. ]
Who are you apologizing to?
[ Weird question, perhaps. But it'll make sense soon. ]
[ A weird question indeed, and Ratio doesn't answer immediately as he attempts to figure out why she's asking. The answer should be obvious, but what if there's... no. This is just an apology. She must have a reason for asking this, even if it seems odd. ]
You, of course. Unless you happen to be a doppelganger posing as Ereshkigal, in which case I'd like to request that the real one come forth.
[ Said stoically, but he's actually joking. He scans her for a moment, trying to read her, before speaking up again. ]
If you believe that I have an ulterior motive, then I'll be upfront: yes, I do have another reason to speak to you. However, that does not change the fact that I misspoke, and that you are owed an apology. I do not expect you to accept it, but it must be said regardless.
[ He's averted his eyes by this point, out of shyness. He's not used to apologizing at all, and it shows in how awkward his words are. ]
[ She continues focusing on the bouquet until it's finished. "Yes, I do have another reason to speak to you." As she expected. But... She shouldn't leap to hasty conclusions. When finally the bouquet is finished, she keeps her head down and speaks. ]
The goddess of the underworld will conduct her duties regardless of personal feelings. Whether she hates or loves someone, she will work with them to protect humanity. However... She is unable to hold a conversation. This is simply not something she can do. She can't speak with people, let alone try to comfort them.
[ "You are not a goddess here." Many are those who told her this recently. And to an extent, this is true. Her dream has always been for people to perceive her as the person she is, and not the goddess. And ever since she met Ritsuka... This dream has slowly been coming true.
Until that day when he rebuked her attempts at helping him. When in his attempt to goad her into anger, he reduced her back to just the goddess and dismissed the person who had called him to begin with. ]
So I ask again. [She finally looks up at him, eyes fixed upon him.] Who are you apologizing to?
[ The goddess, the one who will work with him regardless of her feelings — even sell him flowers if she has to. Or the person Ereshkigal is beyond her divine attributes. ]
[ Ah. So that's what the question was about. Ratio can empathize with Ereshkigal's position. The separation of the self and the duty. That is a separation he maintains himself. Dr. Ratio the Mundanite, and Veritas Ratio the individual. The Mundanite, he has always striven to keep at peak efficiency, because that is the value he brings to the universe. The individual, he kept under tight wrap, never displaying that aspect of himself to any other. Not until recently, anyway.
He is silent as he continues to ponder the question. It's clear she wants an apology as an individual. But this clarification requires a more nuanced approach. It requires acknowledgement that Ereshkigal acted as an individual who wanted to help, not as a goddess. That is a topic he must broach carefully, because she has made it clear that she believes the result of their choice to be her failure as a goddess, and that had been part of his criticism of her during their last conversation.
He takes a deep breath. He's unsure how she will receive his words, but they will be honest. There are parts of what he said that he does not intend to apologize for. Even if she ultimately rejects his apology, he intends to hold true to his beliefs. ]
Allow me to finish before you react. [ Just a warning that he may say something unpleasant. ] ...To the goddess, I have no apology. I do not believe you have failed your duty simply because you could not convince us to stay in Seoul. I stand by my words; humanity does not need you to guide us. We must bear our mistakes on our own. It is not your duty to shoulder our guilt.
To you, Ereshkigal... the individual. You reached out to me in concern and wished to reassure me out of the kindness of your heart. I twisted your intentions and lambasted you, simply because I... am not comfortable exposing my vulnerability. You were not incorrect; I was deeply unsettled by the result of our decision. But however wrong I felt your approach to be, it does not excuse my behaviour.
I am... sorry, Ereshkigal. I am unsure if it suits your preference, but please accept this gift as a part of my apology.
[ He holds out his hands and a small gift basket manifests into his grip. Packaged chocolates and fresh fruit are arranged tastefully within, and judging by the brands of chocolate, this isn't a simple pre-made basket. No, it's likely Ratio personally selected every item and arranged the basket himself.
The man himself has averted his eyes again, though he had been determined to maintain eye contact with her for the meat of his apology. ]
[ Ereshkigal listens. Silently, wordlessly. She will let him finish before she reacts, he needs not fear. The entire time, her features remain unchanging. Still cold, still distant.
And when he holds out the gift basket, she lows her head to look at it. Her bangs obscure her eyes for a moment, so it's hard to tell what she's thinking. Does she think he is mocking her with this? Is she planning to reject his apology?
[ ... But no. This-This is so far above and beyond the sort of apology she had expected. Heck, she hadn't expected any! She'd thought he would do the bare minimum while trying to make it sound like it's still somehow her fault because - historically that's what humanity and gods alike have done.
Ereshkigal covers her face with her hands and lo: the goddess is crying. Again. For the second time, Veritas Ratio has managed to make Ereshkigal cry at her own workplace! Except this time, she's crying for very different reasons from last time. ]
T-Thank you...
[ How could she not forgive him? Even if he has an ulterior motive... T-That's so genuine and sweet. She only wishes she could prevent herself from crying because that's absolutely horrible and undignified. ]
[ A flutter of panic runs through Ratio for a second when Ereshkigal begins to cry, and he flounders. How... how are you supposed to handle a crying woman??? One that isn't crying because he criticized her too harshly?????
Help. Is he... supposed to comfort her somehow? A hand on her shoulder? A hug?? But he hasn't even been forgiven yet??? Well, judging by her response she seems happy to have received the apology but it would be way too—
He's just. Going to keep holding onto the gift basket. ]
I— Don't... don't thank me. You shouldn't thank someone for apologizing to you. It is what you're owed.
[ It's rare that he feels awkward, but he feels really, really awkward right now. ]
[ He's right... She shouldn't thank him for apologizing. Much the same way she shouldn't thank people for being kind to her. She's been saying those words way too often since he arrival here, hasn't she? It's just always felt right. But maybe she should try to stop.
She wipes her tears off and tries to put herself together. Deep breathes, Ereshkigal! One... Two... Three... T-There, she's starting to get it under control. ]
A-Alright, I shall withdraw my thanks then.
[ It's only temporary, she will probably find another reason to thank him for something else, someday somewhere. ]
I do, however, accept your apologies. [She looks down and smiles weakly.] I... I didn't think you would come back with such kind words. And I am ever glad I was wrong.
[ She didn't think he would come back at all. She'd been intent on ignoring him to the best of her ability and she'd expected him to just pretend nothing had happened. Thank goodness those nightmare scenarios she had feared did not come true. ]
[ Ratio remains silent as Ereshkigal recomposes herself. He's... really not sure what he should do, so he's determined the best thing he can do is give her space. Maybe not physically, seeing as he's still standing by the counter, but he does his best to remain relatively still, so she doesn't have to focus on him while she's calming herself down.
It's only once she musters a proper response that he relaxes. Conversation, he can handle. ]
They are hardly kind. They are simply statements of fact. It is true that you reached out to me in concern, and it is true that I reacted poorly. You deserved no less than a sincere apology for my behaviour, and that is what I came to deliver.
In addition, any ill-will between us that resulted in avoidance would undoubtedly impact both of our performances on the field. Had I believed myself in the right, I would not have come to apologize, but to ensure that we could still work together without disruption. However, upon reflection, it was abundantly clear that my words had no basis. I spoke with a sharp tongue not to help you, but to hurt you.
...for the most part. I was... unhappy that you believed yourself a failure because you could not convince us to stay. As an individual, you did all you can to sway others. That, I witnessed for myself. However, it is because you are a single person that you could not do more. We are a group comprised of many strong personalities with equally strong opinions. Do you truly believe that we could be swayed from our convictions? At the very least, you would have had to present a compelling argument to me to change my vote.
[ Augh. Why is he saying all of this. He's not in the habit of reassuring people.... ]
That is to say... [ ahem ] You... did enough. And if you are unhappy with that, then you must critically reflect upon your own skills and determine how to improve.
[ That's about as close to praise as you're going to get from Ratio. Take it or leave it. And do NOT remark on the fact that his ears are red, if you can even see them through the tresses of his hair. ]
[ Ehehe. He's so embarrassed because now she knows he really is a softie inside. Well she's sorry, but there's no way to erase that knowledge from her mind! What she can do however is make this less embarrassing for him by not pointing this out. It's not like she wants him to turn red like a tomato, after all.
Still, she smiles. Even though he's really perfecting the tsundere act and is nearly on the verge of saying "i-it's not like i like you, baka," it's really sweet and she can't help but smile. ]
Many are those who have told me so. And I agree. [A pause.] You know, gods do not change their mind easily. This is not in our nature.
[ Gods don't grow. They don't change, they don't become better, they don't evolve. They're meant to be born as perfected existences - contrary to humans who are born imperfect but can grow. That's why the end of their time had been inevitable. That's why humans can do anything, so long as they put their heart to it. ]
But I am fortunate that the eternity I spent caring for human souls has affected my nature.
[ And of course, there is this body... She's more human than any other god in her pantheon. An honor she shares with her sister. The goddess of the heavens who cares for the living, and the goddess of the underworld who cares for the dead. In either case, their entire existence revolves around loving humans. ]
Others have promised me already... But should I fall back in my old ways— [She closes her eyes.] I may need another reminder.
[ Hopefully more like this one, and less like last time's. ]
[ Yeah don't call him out on his tsundere tendencies, he gets enough shit from his students and fans online. He really does not like his kindness being pointed out to him, especially since he's established himself as the opposite. Sharp, and uncompromising. Almost cruel in the way he tears apart people's arguments and work.
It's absolutely not because he expects better from people, alright?? ]
As you know already, I am not gentle. Do not expect me to offer words of encouragement when you find yourself disheartened. You would do better seeking solace from others.
[ He would also like to avoid another altercation between the two of them, so the simple solution is that she should not come to him for comfort. Problem solved!
That being said, if she did end up conversing with him in such a state again, he likely wouldn't react the same way as he did last time. It was a mistake, and he learns from his mistakes. To fail to do so would mean he's a fool, after all. ]
Why does she have the urge to have her hand meet with his stupid face, at very high velocity? That's just so unhealthy, to pretend being a far worse person than you actually are! She knows because that's what she used to do all the time. And that's still what she does every now and then. ]
I will.
[ But she can't let it entirely go, right? She has to say something. Not something that will make him angry or put in a corner, no no. A gentle advice. If only she was more eloquent... She ponders for a few seconds. ]
You're hurting yourself a lot more than anyone else when you speak like that, you know? [She smiles, a bit sadly, and finally takes the gift basket from his hands.] Being gentle is nothing to be ashamed about.
[ The frown already present on his face widens and his eyes narrow. ]
I don't know what kind of delusion you've come up with, but I assure you that my behaviour is not at odds with my nature. I prefer speaking bluntly; most, I've found, are not a fan of that.
[ And somehow there are still a ton of people that like him anyway. Online, at least. His students too. But it's true that his sharp tongue hinders him when trying to form close relationships. Not that he desires them anyways. He's always been alone, and he's more than used to it. Prefers it, even. ]
There are far too many people who are— [ not gentle, per se ] —unable to tell others when they are wrong. Far too many who go on believing their mediocrity is enough. Those fools blind themselves to reality with 'gentle' words. I have no intention to play along with such a farce.
[ Meaning, this is his form of kindness. To force them to confront the harsh truth so that they might grow from it. Whether or not that earns him points in likeability is of no consequence to him.
This topic might be a little too controversial for the two of them. Ereshkigal is too sensitive for him to speak as he usually does and he has no desire to upset her again. Once she takes the basket, he takes a step back with the intention to leave. ]
I've said my piece. I will return another day for the other matter I wanted to speak to you about.
[ The matter of Aventurine's bouquet, that is. He doesn't think it's appropriate to ask for help immediately after apologizing to her for his blunder. It would only serve to make his apology seem insincere, even though he'd already mentioned that he had an ulterior motive. ]
[ A tsundere to the end. Honestly if he was really wasn't a softie at heart and truly relished in being a rude meanie, he probably would have spent more time actually being mean rather than explaining to her why he really is not a softie at all.
It's like watching someone constantly claim they hate chocolate, only to find them stuffing their face with chocolate all the time! ]
I understand doctor. I will do my best to keep pretending you really are a heartless and cruel villain.
[ His secret is safe with her. Maybe.
That's unfortunate, he's probably permanently lost any hope of ever being intimidating or scary with Ereshkigal. Now that she's truly seen what his heart is like, there's no going back. But she'll do her best to spare him any further embarassment. ]
[ He opens his mouth to retort, but then audibly shuts it and just spins to face the door with a disgruntled hmph. She can believe whatever she wants if it makes her feel better about his presence.
(No, he's not hiding red cheeks.) ]
Goodbye.
[ Said curtly, and then he walks, very calmly, and definitely not at a pace that could be defined as speed walking, to the door and exits. Calmly.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... She remains silent for ten or so seconds, focused on her bouquet. When she stops and finally speaks, she's still not looking at him. ]
Who are you apologizing to?
[ Weird question, perhaps. But it'll make sense soon. ]
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You, of course. Unless you happen to be a doppelganger posing as Ereshkigal, in which case I'd like to request that the real one come forth.
[ Said stoically, but he's actually joking. He scans her for a moment, trying to read her, before speaking up again. ]
If you believe that I have an ulterior motive, then I'll be upfront: yes, I do have another reason to speak to you. However, that does not change the fact that I misspoke, and that you are owed an apology. I do not expect you to accept it, but it must be said regardless.
[ He's averted his eyes by this point, out of shyness. He's not used to apologizing at all, and it shows in how awkward his words are. ]
no subject
The goddess of the underworld will conduct her duties regardless of personal feelings. Whether she hates or loves someone, she will work with them to protect humanity. However... She is unable to hold a conversation. This is simply not something she can do. She can't speak with people, let alone try to comfort them.
[ "You are not a goddess here." Many are those who told her this recently. And to an extent, this is true. Her dream has always been for people to perceive her as the person she is, and not the goddess. And ever since she met Ritsuka... This dream has slowly been coming true.
Until that day when he rebuked her attempts at helping him. When in his attempt to goad her into anger, he reduced her back to just the goddess and dismissed the person who had called him to begin with. ]
So I ask again. [She finally looks up at him, eyes fixed upon him.] Who are you apologizing to?
[ The goddess, the one who will work with him regardless of her feelings — even sell him flowers if she has to. Or the person Ereshkigal is beyond her divine attributes. ]
no subject
He is silent as he continues to ponder the question. It's clear she wants an apology as an individual. But this clarification requires a more nuanced approach. It requires acknowledgement that Ereshkigal acted as an individual who wanted to help, not as a goddess. That is a topic he must broach carefully, because she has made it clear that she believes the result of their choice to be her failure as a goddess, and that had been part of his criticism of her during their last conversation.
He takes a deep breath. He's unsure how she will receive his words, but they will be honest. There are parts of what he said that he does not intend to apologize for. Even if she ultimately rejects his apology, he intends to hold true to his beliefs. ]
Allow me to finish before you react. [ Just a warning that he may say something unpleasant. ] ...To the goddess, I have no apology. I do not believe you have failed your duty simply because you could not convince us to stay in Seoul. I stand by my words; humanity does not need you to guide us. We must bear our mistakes on our own. It is not your duty to shoulder our guilt.
To you, Ereshkigal... the individual. You reached out to me in concern and wished to reassure me out of the kindness of your heart. I twisted your intentions and lambasted you, simply because I... am not comfortable exposing my vulnerability. You were not incorrect; I was deeply unsettled by the result of our decision. But however wrong I felt your approach to be, it does not excuse my behaviour.
I am... sorry, Ereshkigal. I am unsure if it suits your preference, but please accept this gift as a part of my apology.
[ He holds out his hands and a small gift basket manifests into his grip. Packaged chocolates and fresh fruit are arranged tastefully within, and judging by the brands of chocolate, this isn't a simple pre-made basket. No, it's likely Ratio personally selected every item and arranged the basket himself.
The man himself has averted his eyes again, though he had been determined to maintain eye contact with her for the meat of his apology. ]
1/2
And when he holds out the gift basket, she lows her head to look at it. Her bangs obscure her eyes for a moment, so it's hard to tell what she's thinking. Does she think he is mocking her with this? Is she planning to reject his apology?
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ]
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Ereshkigal covers her face with her hands and lo: the goddess is crying. Again. For the second time, Veritas Ratio has managed to make Ereshkigal cry at her own workplace! Except this time, she's crying for very different reasons from last time. ]
T-Thank you...
[ How could she not forgive him? Even if he has an ulterior motive... T-That's so genuine and sweet. She only wishes she could prevent herself from crying because that's absolutely horrible and undignified. ]
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Help. Is he... supposed to comfort her somehow? A hand on her shoulder? A hug?? But he hasn't even been forgiven yet??? Well, judging by her response she seems happy to have received the apology but it would be way too—
He's just. Going to keep holding onto the gift basket. ]
I— Don't... don't thank me. You shouldn't thank someone for apologizing to you. It is what you're owed.
[ It's rare that he feels awkward, but he feels really, really awkward right now. ]
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She wipes her tears off and tries to put herself together. Deep breathes, Ereshkigal! One... Two... Three... T-There, she's starting to get it under control. ]
A-Alright, I shall withdraw my thanks then.
[ It's only temporary, she will probably find another reason to thank him for something else, someday somewhere. ]
I do, however, accept your apologies. [She looks down and smiles weakly.] I... I didn't think you would come back with such kind words. And I am ever glad I was wrong.
[ She didn't think he would come back at all. She'd been intent on ignoring him to the best of her ability and she'd expected him to just pretend nothing had happened. Thank goodness those nightmare scenarios she had feared did not come true. ]
no subject
It's only once she musters a proper response that he relaxes. Conversation, he can handle. ]
They are hardly kind. They are simply statements of fact. It is true that you reached out to me in concern, and it is true that I reacted poorly. You deserved no less than a sincere apology for my behaviour, and that is what I came to deliver.
In addition, any ill-will between us that resulted in avoidance would undoubtedly impact both of our performances on the field. Had I believed myself in the right, I would not have come to apologize, but to ensure that we could still work together without disruption. However, upon reflection, it was abundantly clear that my words had no basis. I spoke with a sharp tongue not to help you, but to hurt you.
...for the most part. I was... unhappy that you believed yourself a failure because you could not convince us to stay. As an individual, you did all you can to sway others. That, I witnessed for myself. However, it is because you are a single person that you could not do more. We are a group comprised of many strong personalities with equally strong opinions. Do you truly believe that we could be swayed from our convictions? At the very least, you would have had to present a compelling argument to me to change my vote.
[ Augh. Why is he saying all of this. He's not in the habit of reassuring people.... ]
That is to say... [ ahem ] You... did enough. And if you are unhappy with that, then you must critically reflect upon your own skills and determine how to improve.
[ That's about as close to praise as you're going to get from Ratio. Take it or leave it. And do NOT remark on the fact that his ears are red, if you can even see them through the tresses of his hair. ]
no subject
Still, she smiles. Even though he's really perfecting the tsundere act and is nearly on the verge of saying "i-it's not like i like you, baka," it's really sweet and she can't help but smile. ]
Many are those who have told me so. And I agree. [A pause.] You know, gods do not change their mind easily. This is not in our nature.
[ Gods don't grow. They don't change, they don't become better, they don't evolve. They're meant to be born as perfected existences - contrary to humans who are born imperfect but can grow. That's why the end of their time had been inevitable. That's why humans can do anything, so long as they put their heart to it. ]
But I am fortunate that the eternity I spent caring for human souls has affected my nature.
[ And of course, there is this body... She's more human than any other god in her pantheon. An honor she shares with her sister. The goddess of the heavens who cares for the living, and the goddess of the underworld who cares for the dead. In either case, their entire existence revolves around loving humans. ]
Others have promised me already... But should I fall back in my old ways— [She closes her eyes.] I may need another reminder.
[ Hopefully more like this one, and less like last time's. ]
no subject
It's absolutely not because he expects better from people, alright?? ]
As you know already, I am not gentle. Do not expect me to offer words of encouragement when you find yourself disheartened. You would do better seeking solace from others.
[ He would also like to avoid another altercation between the two of them, so the simple solution is that she should not come to him for comfort. Problem solved!
That being said, if she did end up conversing with him in such a state again, he likely wouldn't react the same way as he did last time. It was a mistake, and he learns from his mistakes. To fail to do so would mean he's a fool, after all. ]
no subject
Why does she have the urge to have her hand meet with his stupid face, at very high velocity? That's just so unhealthy, to pretend being a far worse person than you actually are! She knows because that's what she used to do all the time. And that's still what she does every now and then. ]
I will.
[ But she can't let it entirely go, right? She has to say something. Not something that will make him angry or put in a corner, no no. A gentle advice. If only she was more eloquent... She ponders for a few seconds. ]
You're hurting yourself a lot more than anyone else when you speak like that, you know? [She smiles, a bit sadly, and finally takes the gift basket from his hands.] Being gentle is nothing to be ashamed about.
no subject
I don't know what kind of delusion you've come up with, but I assure you that my behaviour is not at odds with my nature. I prefer speaking bluntly; most, I've found, are not a fan of that.
[ And somehow there are still a ton of people that like him anyway. Online, at least. His students too. But it's true that his sharp tongue hinders him when trying to form close relationships. Not that he desires them anyways. He's always been alone, and he's more than used to it. Prefers it, even. ]
There are far too many people who are— [ not gentle, per se ] —unable to tell others when they are wrong. Far too many who go on believing their mediocrity is enough. Those fools blind themselves to reality with 'gentle' words. I have no intention to play along with such a farce.
[ Meaning, this is his form of kindness. To force them to confront the harsh truth so that they might grow from it. Whether or not that earns him points in likeability is of no consequence to him.
This topic might be a little too controversial for the two of them. Ereshkigal is too sensitive for him to speak as he usually does and he has no desire to upset her again. Once she takes the basket, he takes a step back with the intention to leave. ]
I've said my piece. I will return another day for the other matter I wanted to speak to you about.
[ The matter of Aventurine's bouquet, that is. He doesn't think it's appropriate to ask for help immediately after apologizing to her for his blunder. It would only serve to make his apology seem insincere, even though he'd already mentioned that he had an ulterior motive. ]
no subject
It's like watching someone constantly claim they hate chocolate, only to find them stuffing their face with chocolate all the time! ]
I understand doctor. I will do my best to keep pretending you really are a heartless and cruel villain.
[ His secret is safe with her. Maybe.
That's unfortunate, he's probably permanently lost any hope of ever being intimidating or scary with Ereshkigal. Now that she's truly seen what his heart is like, there's no going back. But she'll do her best to spare him any further embarassment. ]
Please take care until then.
no subject
(No, he's not hiding red cheeks.) ]
Goodbye.
[ Said curtly, and then he walks, very calmly, and definitely not at a pace that could be defined as speed walking, to the door and exits. Calmly.
Calmly. ]